When You Feel You Cannot Cope
A Letter on Overwhelm, Anxiety, and Finding Space When Life Feels Too Much
From the Archive of Mabel Shirley — Introduced by Joyce Turner
“When cataloguing Mabel Shirley’s papers in 1967, I began to notice a pattern. Many wrote to her not about scandal or sickness, but about strain. They spoke of feeling overwhelmed, unable to cope, pressed on all sides by demands they did not know how to meet. Today we might call it anxiety, stress, or burnout. Mabel called it something simpler: “the narrowing of the air.”
“What follows is one such letter, written to a woman who confessed, “It is all too much.
My Dear,
Thank you for your letter.
You say that you cannot cope, that your life is overrun with trouble and demands, and that you feel close to collapse. When everything feels overwhelming, the mind begins to believe there is no room left in which to stand. Yet you are not alone in this. It is a simple truth that most of the world is in turmoil, most of the time. You are but one of millions trying to navigate a pace of life that grows ever quicker.
When the walls seem nearer than they were yesterday, do not argue with them. To push back against a closing room only exhausts the spirit. Instead, you must change your geography.
Step outside, even if only to the threshold. Place your hand upon something living: bark, soil, or a stone warmed by the day. The body must widen before the mind can follow. Feel the breeze upon your face. Lift your eyes to the clouds if it helps. Let the world remind you that it is larger than the moment pressing upon your chest.
In my own times of trouble, I did the same. I was fortunate to be near the seaside then. I would walk the mile to the quay and look out upon that vast, indifferent body of water. Beneath that endless sky, I felt small, and in that smallness, my troubles were permitted to shrink to their rightful size. This is not surrender. It is grounding. It is not escape. It is proportion.
But do not stop at the looking.
Once you have felt the scale of the world, bring that vastness back inside your own skin.
When the next demand comes, when the voice of the world shouts for your attention, do not answer immediately. Inhabit the three seconds of silence you found at the water’s edge. Let the narrowing of the air be met by the widening of your breath. In that space, you will discover that you are not as trapped as you believed.
You are not a machine to be driven until you break. You are a soul in a clearing. Stay there a moment longer than they expect.
Yours in the light,
M. Shirley
It took me years to understand what she meant by changing one’s geography. At the time, I dismissed it as simplicity. Later, standing at my own threshold with the air narrowing around me, I recognised the lesson. When life feels overwhelming, the first act of strength is not resistance. It is space. From that space, calm and deliberate action can return.
— Joyce
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